Introduction
Surrogacy is an extraordinarily rewarding experience for all parties involved. How to find a surrogate mother it’s likely the first question that comes to mind when it comes to surrogacy.
For intended parents, it is the chance to finally achieve their dream of parenthood starting or expanding their family. For surrogates, it’s the chance to selflessly give the most precious gift to couples and individuals willing to become parents.
Who is a surrogate mother?
Surrogate is another word for substitute. When it comes to surrogacy, surrogate mothers are women who agree to become pregnant on behalf of someone else, whether that be a couple or an individual.
Who needs a surrogate mother?
Popular misconceptions aside, surrogacy is not a fringe phenomenon. Although only a small percentage will actually go through with a surrogate pregnancy, it appeals to a wide cross-section of society-older people who still want to be parents, single men and women who want to have children, same-sex partners, couples who struggle with infertility, and mothers who suffer from health problems.
The most common reasons so many people seek out surrogates include infertility, chronic illness, single parenting and same-sex union.
Infertility
Women who have had cancer, hysterectomies, uterine problems, unexplained infertility issues, or even multiple miscarriages may need the help of another woman to carry out a successful pregnancy. The same goes for post-menopausal women. The options available to women depend on the root causes of their infertility. Those who can’t produce eggs, for whatever reason, must resort to traditional surrogacy. Gestational surrogacy is ideal for women who have no uterus, either because of a hysterectomy or because of a congenital condition, but who still have ovaries capable of producing viable eggs.
Chronic illness
Serious diseases can take a toll on the human body, making it difficult to bear the strains of pregnancy. Take the case of a woman with severe heart disease or diabetes. In many cases, she puts herself and her baby in danger by going through with a pregnancy. Intended mothers who have communicable diseases such as HIV may also consider surrogacy in order to minimize the chances of complications, as will people who don’t want to pass genetic diseases onto their children. In either scenario, a gestational surrogate may be the only way to avoid the perils of a high-risk pregnancy.
Single parenting
Single mothers who can’t conceive may turn to surrogates, but they aren’t the only ones. A growing number of straight, single men are also opting for surrogacy in the hopes of becoming fathers. Just as women aren’t letting their single status get in the way of starting a family, many men have decided to conceive biological children using an egg donor and a surrogate.
Same-Sex unions
In recent years, society has become more accepting of non-traditional arrangements. Nowhere is that more apparent than in the case of same-sex unions. A surrogate is the best hope for gay couples, particularly gay men, who want to raise a child they can call their own.
Find a surrogate
There are many things to consider to find a surrogate mother and each intended parent possesses a unique perspective on the right woman to take the journey to parenthood with. Trust and connection are the two major aspects to find a surrogate mother but there are several key areas to consider when choosing a surrogate such as age, lifestyle, location, personality, health history, willingness to carry twins, pregnancy and delivery history, previous experience with surrogacy, openness to high or low level of contact, willingness to continue relationship after delivering child (if parents desire).
Choosing a woman with whom you connect and trust leads to wonderful outcomes.
What makes a good surrogate?
Whatever their reasons, intended parents go in search of a surrogate when they need help conceiving or carrying a baby to full term, and many exhaust all other options before asking someone else to step in and act as the birth mother. Settling on a surrogate is the most difficult part of the process. The stakes are high. You’re making decisions not only for yourself and for your partner, but also for a child that has yet to be born.
Any pregnancy is fraught with emotions, but when you’re dealing with multiple parties and non-traditional arrangements, the pitfalls multiply. Some ask a close friend or relative to fill in as the birth mother, but for many hopeful parents, that’s not an option. The question then becomes, how do you find a gestational surrogate if no one within your inner circle can or will carry the baby for you?
Physical Health
You should always look at a candidate’s medical records before agreeing to choose them as your surrogate.
Reliability
Does your potential surrogate make good lifestyle choices? Does she drink or use drugs?
Trustworthiness
Can you trust your surrogate to follow through on her promises and honor the terms of the contract?
Motives
Is your surrogate motivated by money or by altruism? Does she empathize with your plight and understand your needs?
Experience
Women who have already gone through with at least one pregnancy make some of the best candidates, particularly if they already have kids of their own. Before you decide on a course of action, make sure you’re making an informed decision. That means doing your research, considering all your options, weighing the pros and cons, and understanding your own needs.
Conclusion
Surrogacy involves intricate legal issues and complicated medical procedures. It’s not easy to find a surrogate mother while wading through the morass, particularly if it’s the first time going through the surrogacy process. That’s where an agency can help, by guiding both parties, hopeful parents and surrogates, through the maze and helping them overcome the many stumbling blocks along the way.
Be wise!
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